Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Worries
So I haven't decided if I am running from this feeling of emptiness or if I am happy it's with me. Like I recently tried to get help for feeling so down but I ended it because they wanted to talk about things I didn want to mention. Also, because I am aware of this feeling, I am never sure if I truly want it to go away or not. I feel like it gets ppl to pay attention to me though ppl still really don't pay attention to me. Like idk what is what anymore, how I truly feel and y I am so scared. I am truly regressing but I want to stop it, I just don't how or why I feel the way I do about these things. Like my past two "boyfriends" I tried to look past their obvious flaws but of course that didn't work since I am single again. The reason I did that cas I started to feel like it was me pushing guys away so I decided to try to be more open but that didn work. Then I think I'm somewhat pushing guys away cas I am just so mean to them but why? I mean I clearly would like a boyfriend but then I get annoyed with them fast for idiotic reason. I am sick of coming home and being lonely and having nothing to do except watch movies and play the game. I think I push guys away because I get fearful or tell them things they probably shouldn know for awhile. Idk! I'm sick of wanting a boyfriend. Like I have stopped wanting one as bad as I did, but I still want one but I am not desperate and plan to wait. All of a sudden I am weight conscious and trying to work out more tho I suck at it. :( So many problems, so little time. What to do? What to do? What to do?
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
formspring.me
Talk to me, talk to me, talk to babyyyyy! Ask me whatever you like... http://formspring.me/apoeticsoul
Rambling Thoughts
1. I'm so cold that just looking at me freezes you. I'm so hot that when I jump inside a volcano everything turns to ash!!! I'm so hypothermia cold and so magma hot, I am ICY HOT!!!
2. RENT is the best musical, play and movie EVER!!!
3. I'm more than amazing, I am bewildering!! (Bewilder is a synonym for amazing. ROFTL)
4. Insanity is one of my closest friends!
5. I don't understand why I am so mean to guys sometimes. Maybe that's why it's so hard to find a boyfriend. IDK!!
6. Why do these girls wear shorts that come above their knees when it's clearly COLD outside?
7. I truly need more fun in my life. But not the kind that will make me to conform/do things I don't want to do.
8. I need better friends and I need to build closer relationships with good friends I already have.
and let the bad "friends" go far away.
9. I seriously do not know where my future is going or what career I will be in at it's terrifying, especially since I will be a Senior in the Fall. It's also scary cause I do not know what career I would like to work for probably the rest of my life. And I prefer not to be a career college student.
10. I have no clue why my ring finger on my right hand hurts terribly when I try to bend it, why the joints on that same finger are red, or why it's swollen a little. I also do not why I have runners' knees if I do not run.
11. I don't like people with no morals or people that say they have morals and don't follow them or people with very low standards. I don't get how that doesn't come back to hurt you later.
12. Sadness and this type of anger scares the pants off me.
13. No clue why I feel that I need to blog about certain things. Maybe I need someone that will listen and I can't tell they are judging me or someone that listens and puts effort in trying to help me when I need help. For some reason, I don't feel like I have that anymore and it makes me very sad and angry. So sad and angry that I scare myself sometimes.
14. I wanted this to be numbered evenly so I made a number 14. LOL!
Anyway, enough of my rambles...later!
2. RENT is the best musical, play and movie EVER!!!
3. I'm more than amazing, I am bewildering!! (Bewilder is a synonym for amazing. ROFTL)
4. Insanity is one of my closest friends!
5. I don't understand why I am so mean to guys sometimes. Maybe that's why it's so hard to find a boyfriend. IDK!!
6. Why do these girls wear shorts that come above their knees when it's clearly COLD outside?
7. I truly need more fun in my life. But not the kind that will make me to conform/do things I don't want to do.
8. I need better friends and I need to build closer relationships with good friends I already have.
and let the bad "friends" go far away.
9. I seriously do not know where my future is going or what career I will be in at it's terrifying, especially since I will be a Senior in the Fall. It's also scary cause I do not know what career I would like to work for probably the rest of my life. And I prefer not to be a career college student.
10. I have no clue why my ring finger on my right hand hurts terribly when I try to bend it, why the joints on that same finger are red, or why it's swollen a little. I also do not why I have runners' knees if I do not run.
11. I don't like people with no morals or people that say they have morals and don't follow them or people with very low standards. I don't get how that doesn't come back to hurt you later.
12. Sadness and this type of anger scares the pants off me.
13. No clue why I feel that I need to blog about certain things. Maybe I need someone that will listen and I can't tell they are judging me or someone that listens and puts effort in trying to help me when I need help. For some reason, I don't feel like I have that anymore and it makes me very sad and angry. So sad and angry that I scare myself sometimes.
14. I wanted this to be numbered evenly so I made a number 14. LOL!
Anyway, enough of my rambles...later!
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