My job

I think this maybe my last semester as a resident assistant. I can't deal with screaming girls, guys sneaking up, drunk people, extremely rude and disrespectful people, disgusting bathrooms, spills in the hallways, and loud for no reason people anymore. Like I am fed up!! The problem is this is the only job that pays for my housing and gives me a paycheck. And seeing how I mainly support myself, if I quit I'll have to find another job somewhere for income and a place to live. So at the moment I'm at a stand still since I am not quite sure what to do exactly. I love my job though, maybe I can move to a building that is known for being quiet and I would be happier. I think it's the loudness and people being disrespectful to prove a point they are obviously losing that I can't take anymore. And I'm sure any building I move to will have some people that just have to break the rules. But long as I can get silence when I need it, I think I'll be okay.

Torment from within

So I've been sick for like 2 yrs now, maybe more. Apparently my sinuses hate me and the medicines they give me are not strong enough or something. I mean when I give my body medicine it's like "HAHAHAHA idiots that's weak medicine and just for that I'm going to make you sicker!!! Mwahahahah" Really body...REALLY? I'm so tired and sick of going through two boxes of tissues in a day or not being able to concentrate because my sinus headache is making my head throb. Or because I take three different kinds of sinus medicines to feel better to only get very sleepy and get no work done. Not that the medicines even worked, they only make me sleepy. Take today for example: I woke up, got ready, sat down on my couch and POW sinus cold. So I decide to take some severe cold and sinus medicine and start on my homework but instead of my homework getting done, I constantly moved positions on my couch. I couldn't get comfortable because I was pissed I couldn't breathe and my head hurt. A couple hours later I take more medicine, a different kind and then my cold gets worse. I did not even get half my homework done before I started punching my pillow and almost crying because my nose hurts (from blowing it so much) as well as my head and I still can't breathe. And that's only the beginning, but I won't bore you about my day of suffering, just know at 2:13am which is right now, my head is STILL THROBBING, my nose is stuffy and running and it hurts; and I have taken 5 different kinds of medicine to end this torture, which hasn't ended yet. I know you may say stick to the same medicine for awhile, believe me I've tried. And trust me this is no ordinary sinus cold. I can't just take something and get over it, because I keep getting sinus colds every month without fail for 2yrs or more. Sigh...maybe I need sinus surgery AGAIN since this has been going on for 2 yrs or more. But if I do need it, this will be the 2nd time having this surgery. Gotta love my body!!!!

Pondering Thought

There is this saying that home is where your heart is. Well what if your heart isn't in a particular place? I know mine isn't. My heart is not at my so called "home," it's not at my college home; it's not even with a guy. What I have been realizing these 4 long months of solitude, is that I have lost my heart. I cannot begin to find it. I do love someone but they are miles away and it's not the "in love" type of love. I have lost myself. Silence is a very close friend of mine. She visits me offend and listens to my screams and torment that I put myself through. Though the problem is I cannot begin to break the bond silence and I have. I do not know when or how it started. And not knowing the underlined meaning of why this all began and why it is continuing will keep me drowning. Silence, loneliness, I welcome you but wish you away. Escaping is harder than not being able to breathe.